Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
