this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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