i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize