We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
