All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
