My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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