Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
