why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
how drunk are you?
Several
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize