also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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