That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
