i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
