i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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