Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
