I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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