I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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