oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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