If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize