Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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