He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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