He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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