I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
