Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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