You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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