No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
