I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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