I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
