She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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