I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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