I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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