Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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