i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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