there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
