1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
