my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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