I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
