OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
