you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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