on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
