My nipple is on Facebook.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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