Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
