His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
