So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
