I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
