are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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