He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Drake has all the answers
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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