I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
