I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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