I'm going to jail i love you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize