I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
