This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
