I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
