i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
