are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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