I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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