After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
