I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
