I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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