Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, beer. Big fan.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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