In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
PANTIES FOUND
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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