finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
