There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
