ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
