Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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