Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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